Before I had surgery we talked to Blake about it. We explained to him that I was going to the hospital and the doctor was going to make little cuts on my tummy and get the yucky stuff out. We talked about how the cuts would be small but that momma wouldn't be able to pick him up or have him climbing on me. I told him that I would only be gone for the day kind of like when he goes to school or daddy goes to work. I said I'll leave after breakfast then be back around dinner time or before. We assured him that papa was going to stay with him and they would have lots of fun. If I said he was just okay with all this talk that wouldn't be true. Honestly his first reaction was, why you have to get surgery? I told him that I if momma and daddy want have another baby and he could be a big brother then I had to have surgery. He simply said, "I not want a baby." I just smiled and told him he would change his mind someday.
If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have told him so many days in advance. My little guy is a worrier. He comes by it naturally, his momma and daddy are worriers too. So instead of us having a restful week before surgery we had many nights of no sleep. He would wake up and just stare at me in the middle of the night. He wouldn't go to sleep until I snuggled him in our bed. I reassured him that everything was going to be okay and that we are and would all be safe. One night he said, look momma that shadow is momma and Blake snuggling, referring to the shadow of his lamp and humidifier in his bedroom. At that moment I knew that he was really worried and scared about me having surgery. I snuggled him as often as he would let me. I carried him around as often as he asked me to. I basically did everything with him that I knew I wasn't going to be able to after surgery. I even showed him the scars I already had on my stomach from a previous surgery to show him how tiny the cuts were going to be. We eventually showed him the cuts post surgery too after making sure they weren't going to scare him.
I think it was even worse for me when we came home after surgery and he was scared to even come near me. If you have a boy or boys then you know how rambunctious they can be. He loves to jump off of things onto you, use you as a stabilizer to stand up or climb on and run into you and bounce off, so everyone kept telling him he had to be gentle with momma. He had to be careful not to hurt me etc. Seeing the look in his eyes and fear of getting close to me when we came home was so hard for me. I think it took me until Sunday after surgery to convince him that it was okay if he sat next to me. I just reminded him that he couldn't touch my tummy. I was so glad to finally be able to put him to bed and lay with him for a few minutes. I also enjoyed some snuggle time while he watched a movie and sat in between my legs using me as a back rest. (That position honestly wasn't the most comfortable for me but it also wasn't killing me.) I even managed to give him a bath all by myself last night! This morning everything was like a normal morning!
Besides the fact that I am feeling more "normal" Blake is also getting back to his "normal" self too. Andrew and I have been really focusing on him and spending time loving on him and doing things that we normally do which has helped. I'm looking forward to the nice weather this weekend so we can spend some time outside playing. Blake and Andrew can ride their bikes and I can do a little walking!
I used the word 'normal' a lot in this post. Clearly life over the last week has not felt normal to me at all. I am looking forward to actually putting together our new routine for 2015 and putting it into action! I hope that this new year is everything you hoped it would be so far! I'll be sharing our new routine with you next week.
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