Friday, May 16, 2014

It's All In How You Say It

People are always curious about what's going on in your life and ask questions about personal things. It's not just to us that I'm referring to either, some of our friends are facing the same things. It wasn't until recently that I figured out there are questions that one I don't want to be asked and two I shouldn't ask other people. It also clicked that maybe it's not the question but more of how it's said. 

Here they are the two big questions that I have decided shouldn't be asked  (have you already figured them out?) 
1. When are you going to have a/another baby? 
2. When are you getting married? 

Let me start by first saying I'm sorry if I've ever asked you either of these questions. I hadn't figured out how to appropriately word them or figured out how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of such a question. 
I'll start with number 2 since it doesn't apply to me; I'm already married. We have a few friends and family members that are not married yet, some are dating some aren't with anyone serious yet. I can't speak for them but I kind of feel like they will take that leap when the time is right or when they find the right person. It's not like people who aren't married by the time they are 30 aren't going to ever get married. I know they think about it and asking them or calling them out on it isn't making them feel any better about it! Just think twice before you ask someone, are you ever going to get married? 

On to the question I face so often that I actually want to scream or punch someone when I'm asked it...when are you going to have another baby? Yesterday was the first time I have ever been asked about future children that I didn't feel like I was being put on trial. My Uncle and I were chatting while cruising along the highway and he said "are you guys going to have anymore kids?" It was in context, it wasn't demanding that we have another child, it was simply put out there as a question. I think it was the first time someone asked me and I didn't get upset (on the inside) about it. It was all in the way he worded it. 

There are many reasons why I dislike the "when are you going to have another baby" & comments that hint about having another and feel they should be avoided. First off do you know what they are going through? Have you even thought about or are you aware of how difficult it actually is to have a baby. (I did a little research on it maybe you should too.) There are so many reasons that people don't have another baby or even one baby to begin with. Maybe the people you are questioning which feels more like demanding when you use the word 'when' about this have recently had a miscarriage and don't want to share that information. Maybe they have been trying and are struggling with fertility. Maybe they aren't ready to add another child to their family just yet. Maybe they can't afford another child. Maybe they are soaking in every minute they have with each other or their first child before adding chaos to their lives. Maybe it's as simple as they don't want children or any more children. Maybe they are working on their relationship before adding a child or more children to the mix. 

So the point I'm trying to get across is, think about how you word your questions and consider the possibility that there is more going on than you know about. 

I will share because now I'm sure people are really wondering why we don't have another baby yet. We will have another when we are ready. I will share with the world when that time has come! Right now we are enjoying our time loving on B! 

(Disclaimer this post is not pointed directed at anyone. It's just what was on my mind as we are traveling today!)

Happy weekend friends! Enjoy yourselves! 

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