Road Trip Thoughts

I've learned a few very random vacation related things over the last 12 hours. I decided to note them as we enjoy our family vacation to share with you later. ;) 

It is later and here are my random road trip/vacation thoughts from during and after our trip. Enjoy!

1. Excitement will keep Blake going strong for hours but when he's done he's done! He asked where the hotel was at 11pm and passed out seconds later. 

2. Always spend the money to stay in a better hotel especially if it's just for the night. 

3. Cooper is pretty good at traveling long distances but makes sure every person who walks by the hotel room knows he's here. 

4. The wind just might flip the car over. That or lift it right off the ground while driving. (My thought as we were driving through the back end of a storm Wednesday night.)

5. My nose is super sensitive all the time. Just another reason to always spring for the nicer hotel. 

6. Vacations are fun but having a completely clean house makes being away so much more enjoyable. 

7. I should have brought my body pillow not just Andrews. 

8. I packed way to much stuff. I might need an intervention when it comes to packing. 

9. No amount of sleep or lack of sleep will keep Blake from being loud! Repeat after me BOYS ARE LOUD! If yours isn't just wait he will be!

10. It is possible to fit 3 large dogs, one small dog, five adults and a child into a 600 sq ft condo! Even if people are getting take out by two of the crazy large dogs. :)

11. If you are a member at a museum like the Oklahoma nature and science museum you get into the Denver nature and science museum for free! Make sure you check those type of things out when you are on a trip! 

12. I packed entirely too many clothes. Oh wait I already said that, clearly I have a problem

13. People who don't have kids just really don't get it. It = what having a kid really involves. Doesn't make them any less or anything they just don't get it. Just like I don't really get what its like to have more than one child.

14. Blake is adored by his aunts and uncles! I love watching them with him. Makes me proud to call them my siblings and makes making time for Blake to be with them even more important.

15. Vacations are for going non-stop. I like to do as much as possible and sit around as little as possible on vacation. It is exhausting but makes the trip so worth it!

16. Saying goodbye is hard especially when Blake cries but it was really just see you later because we will see them in either a month or 5 months! :) (It's funny for some reason, just laugh with me!)

17. Unpacking as soon as we get home is SO much better than waiting for weeks like I normally do. No more of that crazy business!

18. I love listening to Blake retell his story of our vacation. It is so sweet to hear his excitment when he talks about all the things we did.

19. Helmets during bike rides are a must! Blake wrecked pretty bad and his head was saved by his helmet, so if you aren't making your child wear one I think you should.

20. There is no place like home. (Even if your husband has to fly out for work less than 24 hours after getting home from vacation.) 

Okay twenty is enough! We had a blast in Denver and as soon as I get the remainder of the pictures loaded I'll share our entire trip!

One more!
21. I love running around the lake by my brothers house. The view is absolutely breath taking. I haven't gotten the chance to run a lot of different places but this is at the top of my list!

Easter Day

Blake calls Easter Sunday Easter Day. It was so cute to hear him say "happy Easter Day" all day long yesterday. 

We spent our Easter in Denver with Andrews brother (Chris), his fiancé (Charlotte) and Andrews sister (Sarah). I started my day with a nice 3 mile run around Sloans lake. 

Then we started our family fun day with brunch at Punch Bowl Social which is where Sarah works. They had a really awesome Bloody Mary bar. I knocked down the entire bucket of celery before I even made my drink! It wasn't my fault though because it was off balance to begin with. Anyway that was my 'seriously did that just happen' moment of the day. The bloody Mary's were good, especially the green tomatillo one! Our food was really good too. Andrew and I both had the hipster has which was kale, mushroom and onion topped with two poached eggs and goat cheese, yummy! Blake had a waffle with chocolate chips and a peanut butter whip. I think everyone loved his meal the best. I mean you can't beat a chocolate chip waffle. 

After brunch we played games at punch bowl. If you are ever in a city that has one go to it! It is the coolest place. We played pac-man, ping pong, other video games and even bowled. It was a morning full of fun and laughs. Watching Blake try to play ping pong was funny! I was a littl scared to stand too close to him because he was wild with the paddle. Andrew, Charlotte, Chris and I played ping pong that was a cross between ping pong and tennis. We got a little wild and laughed until we cried. Fun! Blake and Sarah played games and took a tour of the building while we played ping pong. He was curious about where his Rahrah worked. We also bowled, well Blake and Andrew bowled, mostly Blake. How much fun is a place you can go to and entertain your group of people that range in age from 3 to 38! 

Sarah,me,Andrew, Blake, Charlotte, Chris

Blake got to hunt Easter eggs and yettis at the same time. He was/is obsessed with hunting yettis so we took him to Great Divide. Really it was a win for all of us because Blake got to hunt for yettis and we got to drink beer! We really did hide his Easter eggs all around the room at the brewery and let him hunt for them. He was entertained and loved every minute of the 5 times we hid eggs for him. He also found every yetti in the building and outside the building. 

After hunting yettis we went to crooked stave to sample some sour beers. We sampled every beer they had on tap there. The raspberry one they just released was my favorite. 

We ended our day with a trip to the park and a family style Italian dinner at a place called Lala's. The dinner was bruschetta, Cesar salad, pizza and spaghetti. So much food! We also ordered fried Brussels sprouts and holy crap they were delish! 

The real end to our night was packing up all of our stuff. We completely destroyed Chris' house while we were there for 4 days. Now we are on the road someone in the middle of nowhere Kansas. The good thing is when we get home I only have to worry about unpacking and laundry because I cleaned our house super clean mode before we left! 

I hope you are all having a fantastic Monday. Thanks for stopping by to read about our Easter Day! 

A Funk or A Rut

Lately I have been in a funk or a rut, whatever you want to call it. I've been struggling. I haven't been able to sit down and write anything that is nice or even readable. I am barely accomplishing the things I need to as a mom and wife on a daily basis. I feel like a cloud is hovering over me. I've been cranky, in a bad mood, lacking patience and not wanting to be around anyone. I've tried to snap myself out of it but have been unsuccessful until recently. The cranky club was trying to recruit me but I don't want to be a party of that club! 

I mean seriously how true is this. 

Things are complicated 

BUT I'm doing fine!

During my weeks of a super bad mood I came across this article titled "10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Crap" I mean that was it I felt like crap. I read the article and suddenly something clicked. I had an ah ha moment. The statements that gave me that moment were #6 and #7 on the list. They said how can I be of service to this person, situation or circumstance and myself so that we feel buoyed, rather than weighed down and how can I create something meaningful for me and/or others out of this experience. I'm telling you it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. All of a sudden I could see the light on this situation. 

Mood swings are one of the side effects of lupron so why was I feeling so bad about being in such a bad mood. It sucks to be in a bad mood or feel gloomy. I have never had to work so hard to be in a good mood. The mood swings I was (still am) having were so severe I had no idea what to do. I was snapping, being brutally honest (normally I try to stick to just honest), and avoiding people. Those things were not me. I mean I strive to be honest and want people to be that way with me in return but I am not mean. I truly felt like I was being mean. Not cool, not cool at all. I was trying to avoid people even by phone so that I wasn't being mean. I felt like crap, there is no other way to put it. After reading the article I mentioned above I realized that I needed to share how I have been feeling and take my vitamins daily. I have been sharing my experience since being diagnosed with endometriosis so that other women going through the same thing know they are not alone. I am not sure why I was so hesitant about sharing about my moods. 

Now I am back to taking my vitamins daily, sometimes every other day but I'm taking them. They are helping but I also have to work on my mind set. I have to keep the negative thoughts out and focus on the positive. I can't let the worry keep me down. That is hard but I know I can do it. I have done really well in the past so now should be no different! 

Here are my worries 
1) Is the Lupron actually working? 
2) Is 6 months on it going to be enough? 
3) How long is it going to take us to get pregnant when this is over? 
4) Am I ready for a second baby or should I just go back to work? 

I'm trying not to worry about these things but the last few weeks I can't seem to keep the worry away. It wears a girl down. I keep telling myself that symptoms mean the lupron is working. My hot flashes, night sweats, foggy brain, other things I'll spare my male readers from hearing, and mood swings tell me it is working. I just feel like I need proof at this point. Next week marks the halfway point and I'm getting anxious. I want some news or an updated report on my body but its not time for that yet. I know that I will get an update as soon as it is time. I will have a full physical exam when I am finished with the lupron or right before. I just need to be patient! Then there's the whole how long is it going to take us to get pregnant question. I know that we will be able to start trying and possibly conceive as quick as 6 weeks after my last shot. I hope that it happens as quickly as possible! Thinking about it constantly doesn't help anything. (When I do finally get pregnant I won't be telling anyone for quite a while anyway. Even though I know it will be hard to keep a secret.) I just can't get it out of my head recently and that could be because I have baby fever worse than I have since we starting trying to get pregnant almost two years ago!

A huge thank you to the people who have reached out to me lately. It was like you knew I needed to hear from you and I can't think of the sweet messages you have sent without tears joy in my eyes. Thank you for unknowingly helping me get over this funk! It means SO much to me.

Cheers to better moods and knowing that I am stronger today than I was yesterday!

***Edit-- As I was going to bed last night it hit me. It's scary to admit that I'm having trouble controlling my emotions. That's why it took me so long to share about my mood swings. I hate feeling like I am loosing control of my own body. Just trying reign in my emotions. Not letting fear hold me back. 

New Fun: Crayola Color Alive

Yesterday we went to Target. Surprise surprise! Anyway I bought Blake this coloring book. He asked me for it the other day at staples but it was much cheaper at Target! At first I wasn't impressed by it because it's just another coloring book. Oh but when we got home was I in for a big surprise! 

It is called Color Alive by Crayola. There are 4 different styles you can purchase; mythical creatures, skylanders, barbie, and enchanted garden. We got the mythical creatures one. It is dragons which Blake loves right now. Here is what it looks like. 

I was skeptical because Blake is 3 and colors like a 3 year old. Is it even going to work with crazy coloring style? Well it does! I actually think his looks so much neater than the dragon I colored nicely. 

Here's how it works. You download the color alive app. Color the picture of your choice. Open the app (it's the slowest app on my phone). Select play and scan your image. It comes alive right on the phone/tablet screen; I call this the show. Blake played with it for a half hour last night and I played with it for nearly as long today. You can take pictures of the image while it is in 4D (or whatever) mode. 

Blake's dragon. I love how it looks swirled when it is putting on it's show! 3 year old coloring skill compatable yay for not being a waste of money. 

Here is my dragon during it's show. 

All of the pictures have other things going on when you color them but not during the dragons show. For instance my picture has a knight in it which isn't pictured during the show. Each dragon does something different. The one I colored picks at it's feathers. 

The app itself is fairly easy to use but is EXTREMELY slow. I have to help Blake set it up so that the dragon can put on a show. I think that after he plays with it for a while he will be able to do it on his own. Older kids will most likely be able to do it on their own faster. Once I help him get the show started he can play with it as long as he stays with the phone close to the image. As soon as he pulls it away the show is over. Soon he will figure out how to restart it by himself. 

I bought this in a weak moment. Blake had been crying that he wanted someone to play with. I felt sorry for him because he doesn't have a sibling to play with and it's not always easy for someone to come over or for us to go to someone. Sometimes I think if we would have started trying for another baby sooner he would already have his forever friend (sibling). I don't let that get me all the time but yesterday it did. Today is a new day and I'm not feeling bad that he doesn't have a sibling yet. He will someday! :) 

Anyway if you are looking for something different to do this color alive thing is pretty fun! 

*This post is not sponsored by Crayola or anyone else. I'm just a mom sharing something new we found and like.* 

I'm still here

A random selection of pictures from my phone! I'm ready for warmer days, someone else to fix my hair, more time with friends and thankful that I'm not as sick as I was just a few months ago. I know I have probably shared most of these pictures before but I like them, most of them. I'm feeling exhausted and like I forget things all the time thank you menopause! I am going to beat this and the pure exhaustion I'm feeling will pass. Right now though, I'm just trying to get through the days without having a major meltdown or blowup! Hopefully when I get my shot tomorrow some of that will get better. Deep breaths, more water to drink, and easy low stress activities to entertain my wild 3 year old boy!

The last time I had my hair done. I'm in need again BIG time.

Friends and cookies!

Friends at the park!

That one time I made Andrew take me to urgent care and I had to have a bag of fluids because I was so dehydrated. Turns out I was seriously sick and didn't know. This was back in December, seriously thankful that nasty stuff is gone.

Friends at the aquarium.

These two goofy kids. Love them both!

I promise for something more entertaining and fun next time. ;) For now Blake and I are going to craft with chalk on paper since its a blizzard out there. Stay warm and safe friends!

Update- weekend and now

I've been feeling a little frustrated the last few days. Today though I feel so much better. It hasn't exactly been peaceful around our house the last few weeks and I have been feeling the stress of it. It's life though and life isn't always easy. (That is a major understatement.)

Last night we put a new plan into place to deal with Blake's current stage that is kicking all of our tails. We have been using it a little here and there but now I made it so that we can stick to it constantly and really be more consistent with it. After all consistency is always best ALWAYS. We use the phrases 'make good choices' and 'is that a good choice' with Blake a lot. I made a chart that has the times when we are seeing him being the most difficult on it such as eating times and bed/bath time. I found pictures of him making good choices during those times and put them on the bottom. I named the chart Blake makes good choices. He earns a star when he makes good choices throughout the day and has consequences if he chooses not to. Explaining this to him and hanging it somewhere he can see it (on his playroom door) helps all of us. I know that today is going extra well because he got 12.5 hours of sleep last night and he hasn't had that much sleep in a month but I also know that he likes to earn his stars and not get his toys taken away! Here is what the behavior style chart that HAD to happen looks like.

I set a goal for myself this week to eat a good breakfast everyday. Yesterday I did good, today not so much. I actually didn't even eat breakfast but had a fat free white mocha from Rocketbrothers Coffee instead. I will do better tomorrow and I have done better with meal choices post coffee today. I'm not stressing out about missing today because I got a little extra sleep and a nice peaceful shower instead. Both of those were worth slipping up on my goal for today. I feel like if you are a mom you totally understand that! Next week my goal is going to be an eating goal as well. I can't wait to share it with you.

We had a fun weekend celebrating my dads 55th birthday and my brother Jason's 30th. I got to spend some time with my niece which I love. She likes me more and more every time we are there ;) I love watching her and Blake play together. He has so much love for her and it is the cutest most heart warming thing ever! Mom and I made a few headbands for Chloe and the neighbors new baby. Mom did most of the work but I did help some! I hope you enjoy these pictures from our weekend. 

Okay that was from yesterday but hey it was too cute not to share.

Also a Lupron update: I have headaches and hot flashes, neither are really bad. I'm calling the hot flashes baby hot flashes. It's hard to believe that I get shot #2 next week. I am hopeful that time continues to fly by.

A Difficult Journey- Conception

Before you get into this post I have a disclaimer, it is an old post. It is something I wrote in the midst of this difficult journey when my hope wasn't very high. I was pissed, had a very bad attitude and wasn't feeling a single ounce of positivity. I was feeling completely defeated. I said that I wanted to share my feelings along this journey so here it is just one of many things I wrote. This particular post was written back in October 2014.

Andrew and I embarked on this journey 16 months ago. It was a journey that I was certain wouldn't take us long. The journey is still continuing or has possibly hit a standstill. It is the journey to conceive another precious little baby to add to our family.

In the beginning we were quiet about it not wanting to let people in on our secret. I felt like the more people who knew the harder it was going to be on us, the more pressure we would feel. The longer it took the harder it became not to talk about and the more questions people started asking the harder it became to accept them. I never in my life thought I would hate hearing the words "when's the next one coming, it's your turn next, Blake needs a little brother/sister, etc." If you said them to us don't feel bad because after all you didn't know! I kept telling myself that too; don't get upset with people they are curious and don't know what you don't share. By the way I'm NOW a firm believer that its none of anyone else's business what a family is doing when it comes to their personal adventures and decisions on family planning, it's flat out rude to question. If you do find yourself asking these questions remember, it's all in the way you say it. With that being said, it is nice to know that people care but sometimes it's just a lot to handle and not something we want to discuss with everyone. 

I am sharing our experience thus far for a different reason. I am sharing our experience because I wish people would be more accepting and understanding of the struggles of infertility and conception. I know that I wasn't. I mean I had no idea the true stress and emotional toll my friends went through to get the opportunity to have a baby. It wasn't hard for us the first time. I had no idea. I had no clue that a simple Facebook post in the from a couple announcing the arrival of their new baby could create such a feeling of self pity. I didn't know that I would come to hate all social media outlets. I was oblivious to the true struggle that people face when it comes to having a baby. I also realize now that although I am facing this struggle head on that there are people who can't have children and never will. I am thankful that we do have one child and yet still struggling to accept the idea that he will possibly be our only one. I don't think its fair to him because I know he will make a great big brother; I just hope that we are able to give him that opportunity.

The emotional roller coaster that this journey has been and still is almost leaves me speechless. I don't know what to say or where to start. I have gone from being hopeful one second to feeling completely defeated the next. It's really hard to stay positive and not worry about it all the time. The worry and stress take over somedays but for me it's the feeling of defeat that gets me. I feel like I can't win no matter what I do. I know its not a win or lose thing but not being able to obtain my goal feels like defeat. In my mind its that simple. The truth is it really isn't anywhere near that simple. I know that keeping a positive vibe and attitude make a world of difference but I struggle to do that 100% of the time. If I could I would feel like something was wrong with me emotionally. I don't believe in the whole when the time is right it will happen approach. I've said it to people because that is the easy answer but I don't believe it. What I do believe is that it is possibly going to take some medical intervention for us to be able to create another child and that is where we stand now.

Our insurance doesn't cover anything that has to do with infertility. (Side note: there are only 15 states in the United States that require their insurance providers to cover or offer coverage for infertility diagnosis or treatment. Guess what OKLAHOMA is NOT one of them. Go figure. Our state really needs to get its shit together.) Just to be clear we have no official diagnosis of infertility but getting diagnosed is so f-ing expensive we can't afford to do the testing. I'm talking thousands of dollars. One test for me alone is $1200 and there are others. A single test for Andrew ranges from $150-300 much less initially than for me but still expensive considering they would need to be done multiple times. Our current options are to just keep trying but after 16 months of being unsuccessful excuse me if I have little hope that it will just happen on our own. I will be more positive as this realization settles in but right now I'm just pissed. Infertility is a medical condition just like diabetes is a medical condition. Anyway, we are going to work on the insurance part of this to see what if anything can be done. We are looking and talking and searching. I am however not impressed with what I have found so far when searching out things on the Blue Cross Blue Shields of Oklahoma site. I am hoping that we do find something helpful soon though.

Until then we will just keep trying and riding this emotional roller coaster. There is no better time than now to enjoy our family of three, not to take for granted our time together. After all we do have a very precious family just the way it is now. (I saw a FB post today that read "the things we take for granted someone else is praying for. So true.) I will continue to focus on surrounding myself in the joy that Blake and Andrew bring to me daily and be thankful for what I do have. I send my love and hugs to all the other people out there that are struggling with anything in their lives now and in the future. Keep your head up and I will keep mine up!

*I know that I have shared bits and pieces of this journey with different people over time. My hope is now that I can continue to share when I am ready and not cause any hard feelings if I do or don't share. It is a difficult journey and I greatly appreciate all the people who have been by our sides throughout it so far as well as all the people that will be with us as we continue on our journey. Thank you for being so understanding and supportive.


Many of the statements in this post hold true still today; I have my bitter days just like everyone else. I am in a much better place with all of this now though. The key was finding the right doctor for me. Our insurance is even covering everything because after all it was a medical condition not specifically infertility. 

I hope you have a wonderful day and if you are fighting a battle keep on fighting! We've got this!