Surgery Talk with Blake

Well it will be a week tomorrow that I had my surgery. I am feeling great. I have a few random aches and pains but that's to be expected. I am also starting to bruise in different places which is to be expected as well. I'm anxious to get back into a completely normal routine but trying not to push it. I kind of wish my post-op appointment was next week not the week after! Anyway I'm very sure that one thing has changed and that would be my belly button. Weird I know but it just doesn't look the same. I'm not sure why it bugs me so much but it does. Maybe once the rest of the swelling goes away it won't look so strange.

Before I had surgery we talked to Blake about it. We explained to him that I was going to the hospital and the doctor was going to make little cuts on my tummy and get the yucky stuff out. We talked about how the cuts would be small but that momma wouldn't be able to pick him up or have him climbing on me. I told him that I would only be gone for the day kind of like when he goes to school or daddy goes to work. I said I'll leave after breakfast then be back around dinner time or before. We assured him that papa was going to stay with him and they would have lots of fun. If I said he was just okay with all this talk that wouldn't be true. Honestly his first reaction was, why you have to get surgery? I told him that I if momma and daddy want have another baby and he could be a big brother then I had to have surgery. He simply said, "I not want a baby." I just smiled and told him he would change his mind someday.

If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have told him so many days in advance. My little guy is a worrier. He comes by it naturally, his momma and daddy are worriers too. So instead of us having a restful week before surgery we had many nights of no sleep. He would wake up and just stare at me in the middle of the night. He wouldn't go to sleep until I snuggled him in our bed. I reassured him that everything was going to be okay and that we are and would all be safe. One night he said, look momma that shadow is momma and Blake snuggling, referring to the shadow of his lamp and humidifier in his bedroom. At that moment I knew that he was really worried and scared about me having surgery. I snuggled him as often as he would let me. I carried him around as often as he asked me to. I basically did everything with him that I knew I wasn't going to be able to after surgery. I even showed him the scars I already had on my stomach from a previous surgery to show him how tiny the cuts were going to be. We eventually showed him the cuts post surgery too after making sure they weren't going to scare him.

I think it was even worse for me when we came home after surgery and he was scared to even come near me. If you have a boy or boys then you know how rambunctious they can be. He loves to jump off of things onto you, use you as a stabilizer to stand up or climb on and run into you and bounce off, so everyone kept telling him he had to be gentle with momma. He had to be careful not to hurt me etc. Seeing the look in his eyes and fear of getting close to me when we came home was so hard for me. I think it took me until Sunday after surgery to convince him that it was okay if he sat next to me. I just reminded him that he couldn't touch my tummy. I was so glad to finally be able to put him to bed and lay with him for a few minutes. I also enjoyed some snuggle time while he watched a movie and sat in between my legs using me as a back rest. (That position honestly wasn't the most comfortable for me but it also wasn't killing me.) I even managed to give him a bath all by myself last night! This morning everything was like a normal morning! 

Besides the fact that I am feeling more "normal" Blake is also getting back to his "normal" self too. Andrew and I have been really focusing on him and spending time loving on him and doing things that we normally do which has helped. I'm looking forward to the nice weather this weekend so we can spend some time outside playing. Blake and Andrew can ride their bikes and I can do a little walking!

I used the word 'normal' a lot in this post. Clearly life over the last week has not felt normal to me at all. I am looking forward to actually putting together our new routine for 2015 and putting it into action! I hope that this new year is everything you hoped it would be so far! I'll be sharing our new routine with you next week.

Surgery Results and Endometriosis

It has almost been about 24 hours since I got home from the surgical center. I didn't sleep all that great last night but I did get some sleep. I also took a great almost 3 hour nap today! 
My pain is minimal and I can actually only feel one of the incision sites. I have two but one is in the same location as my c-section scar and that's pretty numb all the time, definitely more so now. I have some gas that is settling in my diaphragm and shoulders which happens after a laparoscopy. It is feeling better as time passes. When they told me I was going to feel like I had been kicked in the stomach they weren't kidding. It is a mixed feeling of sore after a workout, what I imagine being punched in the stomach feels like and exhaustion. Really not that bad. I can walk around the house slowly and feel like I want to go somewhere but I'm not going to push it. They gave me pain meds and anti nausea meds but ibuprofen is really taking care of most of my discomfort. If my child wasn't such a clown I'd probably be in even less pain but his constant craziness is making me laugh and it hurts! 

Anyway on to the findings during surgery as I have been told by mom and Andrew. I go back in 10 days to hear all the information for myself but for now this is what I know. My doctor didn't give an exact stage of endometriosis but said it was "text book" endometriosis but because of the location of the endometriosis it is called adenomyosis. I found this definition of adenomyosis on the mayo clinic website. 'Adenomyosis (ad-uh-no-my-O-sis) occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, exists within and grows into the muscular wall of the uterus.' He also removed a polyp from inside my uterus. He found that I have been ovulating and that my ovaries and fallopian tubes are working properly. Yay! I will undergo an injection treatment for 6 months to get clear up the endometriosis he couldn't remove due to its location in my uterine wall. I will get the treatment in my doctors office once a month for 6 months then we should be able to conceive. He said that my bladder was being squished because of all the endometriosis but that the endometriosis wasn't attached to my bladder. Another yay! I imagine that I will begin the treatment at the end of this month. I mean that's what I hope because yesterday when I was drugged up 6 months didn't seem like that long but today it does. Haha

Something that I was thinking about last night as I was trying to fall asleep is the number of people who struggle with infertility. Also accepting that struggling with infertility doesn't necessarily mean that you are infertile. I really struggled with this for a long time. I felt that saying I was struggling with infertility meant that I was infertile and that having another baby wasn't possible for us. When I stepped back, did more research and read a few books I was able to change my attitude and approach to this situation. I was also able to accept my struggle with infertility, that I wasn't being given a label of infertile. It was such a relief when I realized this and it has helped me so much. Please don't get me wrong, this realization didn't come over night. I has taken me a VERY long time to work up the courage to talk about it, share it and even face it head on. I am here now and feel better than I have in over a year about all of this. 

Just before going into surgery yesterday.

My current care takers enjoying an ice cream break today!

For all my friends who are struggling keep your heads high and remember to choose joy!

I have endometriosis

I have endometriosis. I had no idea that I even had it until Andrew and I started trying to have a second baby. It's annoying that it took us trying to conceive to find out but the bright side is we found out. I will be having surgery tomorrow to find out how sever the endometriosis really is. I also will be having a polyp removed from my uterus and they are going to run a dye through my ovaries and fallopian tubes to test function. The surgery should take about two hours and is out patient. Recovery time is just a few days. 

I keep having people asking me how I'm feeling about having the surgery. Honestly I am so excited! I am a little nervous but that comes along with any surgery. I am mostly excited. I am so thankful that we found a doctor who was willing to look at the whole picture and listen to my concerns about my body. He did a thorough exam and listened to my complaints and worries. He had a great possible cause (endometriosis) for the delay in conception. He also had a plan of action that should remedy the problem, a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy, which will happen tomorrow. I am excited to be taking action finally.

I say finally because we have been on this journey for 18+ months now. For the last year I have gone to the doctor every 3 months or even every month to figure out why it was taking us so long to conceive again. I knew that there was something going on with my body that wasn't right but my (old) doctor kept assuring me that everything was fine with my body. It has been a long process and it still isn't over but at least now we have a plan of action (3 doctors later). Even better than the plan is the fact that we are acting now! 

I have had such a hard time with this whole process for many reasons but I have also learned a lot throughout it. As a matter of fact I'm very sure that my learning isn't over. I know I'm going to learn so much more after surgery and as we continue on this journey to complete our family. Shoot I'm going to feel better than I have in years because I should be pain free! 

I have documented this entire journey and will share parts of it in the future but for now this is a great start. It is no longer a secret about what is going on with me. Not that it is anybody else's business anyway but more that I don't have to walk around with the weight of this on my shoulders. I have a medical condition just like so many other people do. I fortunately don't have anything near a severe as many other people deal with everyday. I hope that anyone struggling with infertility or struggling to conceive knows that they are not alone. There are so many other people out there that are struggling with similar or the same issues. If you are struggling with infertility or even having a hard time conceiving I want you to know that you aren't alone. 

I want to leave you to consider how you are tackling the circumstances that you are facing today. I encourage you to stay positive and see the good in every situation. I encourage you to understand the implications of how your choices determine your day. 

With joy in my heart and a focus on the positive I'm off to finish cleaning my house so that my caretakers over the next few days only have to focus on playing with Blake and keeping him happy!

Focusing on my Health

Three weeks ago, on my 30th birthday to be exact, I had this strange very unsettling pain in my abdomen. It came on suddenly and felt like a gas pain. It didn't just pass but instead made it hard for me to breathe and I almost passed out. Once I got myself laying flat and cooled down I was fine for 15 minutes until the pain attack happened again. It was so scary I almost had my mom take me to the ER. I felt like my diaphragm was tightening up causing me to loose my breath. I have to say that it was probably technically painful enough to warrant a trip at least to urgent care but I'm stubborn and it was my birthday. 

After spending the next week and a half going from appointment to appointment to have multiple test run I got no answers. I had a full blood panel run. I also had an ultrasound of my abdomen done. Everything came back normal and apparently I have a really good looking pancreas! I don't feel like all the appointments were wasted or that something was over looked but I am happy to not spend every other day at the doctors office. I am very happy that there was nothing serious wrong because some of the possible diagnosis required surgery. I do however take it as a wake up call. I not only need to get my diet back in check but I need to listen to my body. My doctor also very firmly instructed me to come back or go to urgent care immediately if I had any problems again.

Made good use of my waiting time.

Once I was sure that all my test results came back normal I decided to take inventory of what else had changed that could possibly be causing the problem. I decided that diet was the biggest factor. I was so committed to staying vegan just a few short months ago but I had fallen off terribly. It wasn't even that I was cooking meat at home it was more that we were constantly eating out. I knew that a major change was needed and my body was telling me in the most powerful way possible. I let myself have last weekend as my "last" weekend to be indulgent. I mean I just couldn't let me possibly being sick ruin my kid free weekend. (Currently rolling my eyes, what was I thinking waiting.)

My fancy jewelry from radiology. 

I started back 100% vegan on Monday which I do realize makes today only day 3 but I can already tell a difference. I know that I can't eat chocolate of any kind since it made me incredibly sick this morning. I guess that means no more of my favorite chocolate covered strawberry smoothie. I am going to continue on my complete vegan track for the next 20 days. I am also cutting out all alcohol because it often wrecks some serious havoc on your body. 

My focus now is to keep track of how I feel each day over the next three weeks. I am taking careful note of everything I eat as well as how I feel before and after I eat it. I am also carefully tracking my workouts and making sure to slowly ease back into them. I am completely eliminating all dairy, meat, soy and alcohol from my diet while increasing the amount of water I drink. After three weeks I will slowly reintroduce things just like in an elimination diet. If my body doesn't respond well then I will do a complete elimination diet. Ugh.

Okay not really ugh since I decided to do this for myself but its hard to stay strong when all I really want to do is eat ice cream! I use to say oh it's going to make me sick but its okay. I'm over that now. I am to a point that I need to take care of myself and realize that a food making me feel bad isn't actually taking care of myself. So here's to my journey of figuring out if that strange pain in my middle upper abdomen just below my sternum is something I can prevent from ever happening again!

Lunch for B and I today while our friends ate corn-dogs.

Are you willing to completely change your diet in order to make you feel better? Have you ever had to do an elimination diet? Have you ever decided to just completely change your diet in hope s that you will feel better?

My Favorite Hair Product

I used to have super thick curly hair, then I had a baby. No joke my hair became thin (for me) and straight after having B. I used to go get my hair thinned out every other month it probably needed it monthly but I hate paying for a hair cut. The first time I have had my hair thinned since having B was about a month ago, he is 3. Now my hair is finally starting to get back to that nice thickness it was my entire life but the curl on the other hand it's not coming back. I hate that because now instead of it taking me 5-10 minutes to fix my hair it takes me 30 on a good day. No more showering and running out the door within 30 minutes. Who am I kidding that hasn't happened in 3 years!

I do still have some wave in my hair but it's an in between what do I do with this mess look. I have to either work hard and careful with it to scrunch it or I have to straighten it. Either way it takes me 30 minutes if I don't want to just throw it in a ponytail. Since I no longer have the luxury of simply scrunching my hair, touching it with the blow dryer and walking out the door I've been experimenting with hair products that make straightening my hair less work. I'll spare you the list of things I have tried and go with my favorite product. 

Not your Mother's Smooth Moves

I absolutely love this stuff! I've been using it for about 4 months now. It makes my hair soft, shiny, and most importantly straight! It doesn't leave any residue or greasy feeling on my hair. I think my hair is healthier since I've been using it. I towel dry my hair or leave the towel on my hair for about 10 minutes after I shower. I use a small amount about the size of a nickel, rub it in my hair then brush it through. I blow dry my hair and that's it! I don't even have to use the straightener which means less damage to my hair and it's fixed faster! My hair is soft and frizz free and I love it!

I have recommended this to a few of my friends recently. I even loaned it to my teenage neighbor to make managing her hair easier and they bought some! Depending on the length and thickness of your hair more or less may be necessary but I promise it is worth it! Also look for it to be on sale at Ulta they had it on sale buy one get one half off or something like that a few months ago. I pick mine up at Target normally because I'm there more frequently than I am anywhere else!

This stuff has seriously made dealing with my changing hair so much easier! Do you need something to make straightening your hair easier try it and let me know what you think!

*This product review is not endorsed by Not Your Mother's products. It is just an honest opinion from a mom sharing something that I love and makes my life a little easier!*