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Weekend Recap

This weekend was busy but so much fun. It is spring time which means all weekends are about to be busy but when things slow down I won't know what to do with myself!

Saturday morning started out with me attending a baby shower for one of my beautiful friends. My boys went for breakfast then went fishing. I had to leave the baby shower early so we could head to OKC for some family time. Before we left though I ran to the mall to get my sunglasses fixed. The screw fell out months ago and I kept forgetting to go have them fixed. Now I can alternate between my workout sunglasses and my "fashion" sunglasses! Yay! While at the mall I also stopped by my favorite little boutique. They have so much cute spring stuff in right now! I have my eye on this beautiful lilac dress to wear to a wedding in May. I'll share as soon as I get it. :) After a kid free morning for me and a fun father son morning for my boys we threw some clothes in a bag and jumped in the car to head to OKC. When I say threw some clothes in a bag I'm not kidding that's exactly what I did. I had to take one cute outfit but other than that we just needed clothes to lounge in.

Once in OKC we went to my parents house. It was a nice day so we just hung out on the patio and watched Blake play in the back yard. Eventually family and friends gathered to dye easter eggs. My dad grilled hotdogs, hot links, and chicken sausages for everyone. I don't think I even finished eating before the kids were ready to dye easter eggs. Blake was very anxious and excited to get the colors mixed and dye his eggs. It was my nieces first time to dye eggs and I think she enjoyed herself. Her blue hand proved it! After dying eggs Blake ran around shooting people with his water gun he got in his easter basket. It was not warm enough for water play but he and Xander (family friend) had a great time squirting everyone.

I tried to take pictures but I was a little scared to get to close to the table with my nice clothes on. Here are a few that I did snap on my phone.

Sunday we started the morning off with a pancake breakfast, Blake's favorite! Mom and I had a wedding shower to attend in the afternoon and the boys (Andrew, my dad, Blake) went to Norman. Blake has been talking about going to OU for a few days now to see where Daddy went to school. Andrew said he (Blake) loved that everything had OU on it. He even wanted his picture by a trashcan. Ha! Mom and I ended up parting ways before the shower so she could go pick up the grandmothers and so I could go with my Aunt Stacey to help set up the shower.

The wedding shower was for my cousin Jarrett and his future wife Jenn, lets just call her my cousin too! She is the cutest sweetest girl and they are so perfect together! Her mom threw her the perfect wedding shower. The games were fun, the food was fantastic, the company was top notch and the venue was perfect. (I'm just going to throw this out there if you need a venue in OKC look up Dunlap Codding. It is a law firm but they rent their space out for really cheap. It has a full kitchen, large room and opens up to a cute little patio.) Anyway we had a great time at the shower and I wish I could share pictures with you but unfortunately I lost them all when I switched to a new to me phone this morning. Serious palm to the forehead moment. I managed to get one picture on my Instagram before I lost them all. If you follow me there then you saw the beautiful bride to be! If you don't follow me there first, you should, second you can see the picture here.

After the shower we had dinner with my parents and grandparents on both sides as well as my brother and niece. We stopped by Andrew's moms house to visit with her quickly before heading back home. We finally made it home last night at 11pm.

Whew what a busy but fun weekend. This weekend was just what I needed though. I sort of disconnected from the social media world and my phone in general. I was able to spend enough time away from Blake that when he did crazy things today I was able to smile at his cuteness instead of becoming annoyed. This weekend cured my momma burn out! As Andrew said earlier, good because you are about to be in close quarters with him for a long time! So excited for our up coming family adventure!

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Infertility- When this Really Journey Started

Proof that I can't resist the yummy sweets lately.

As I sit here in the car letting my precious boy sleep I can't help but think about what today marks for me on this journey of infertility. Two years ago today I stopped taking my birth control so we could start trying to have another baby. I'll never forget the day because it is also my brothers wedding day. I honestly didn't stop taking it until that date for two very selfish reasons. Here they are 1. I didn't want to be fat, even if it was pregnant not actually fat, in any of the pictures and 2. I wanted to be able to drink. Looking back now those reasons are the stupidest reasons ever! I mean seriously am I that vain? I guess sometimes I can be. 

Now though, now, I can't believe it was two years ago that we were unknowingly starting this difficult journey. I thought we would have a baby in about a year and our family would be complete. While it is sad, painful and so many other things, a flood of emotions really I am also happy and optimistic about what the future holds for our family. It has taken me a while to get to this point but I'm here!

I have 60 days left on Lupron. I am so close to completing my 6 months of treatment. That's something to jump up and down and celebrate about! You know what I just might do that, jump up and down to celebrate because it will take my mind off how tough this journey really has been.

I feel like I need a plan for the next 60 days and you know what? I've got one. I've got a summer schedule for Blake and I. I've got a trip planned hopefully planning another one too. Most importantly I've got my mind in the right place. It's easy to sit around and cry and be sad but that's not going to work for me. I mean I wouldn't mind doing that today since I feel a little sappy but I cried a little while writing this and that is enough. I let the tears fall when necessary but my mind is not set on the negative. My mind is set on the positive. I'm trying to keep my focus on right now and take it day by day. I've set a workout schedule for myself and a meal plan focus. (If I could just stay away from all the sweets. Ugh) I'm working on me and getting back to where I feel comfortable in my skin. My goal here = toned and tightened!  I'm also working on something special for The Swin Life. I can't wait to share it. (Insert school girl excitement here!) I'm filling my plate but being very careful not to overload it. I think I've got the perfect amount to keep me busy and let my mind wander to the future a little but also keep me centered here and now. 

Before I leave I'll just share a few of the mind wandering thoughts I have. After all it is easier to accept them and not completely ignore them. Are you ready for this...How long is it going to take us to get pregnant? Are we going to be able to get pregnant? Miscarriage probability? What's life going to be like with a 5ish year old and a baby? How do I keep from relying on Blake as a major helper and allow him to continue to be a kid? Is the pre mentioned even going to be an issue? Will we have a boy or girl? Is trying going to take us back to the vicious cycle we were in before we found out about the endometriosis? Can I even handle being a mom of two? Am I crazy for even going through this process? (The answer to that is NO. We have a how far is too far and how much is too much. We aren't there!) {I asked if you were ready for it and I bet you weren't unless you've been in this situation.} Then I keep telling myself one step at a time. Be patient, be positive, be encouraging and stop rushing this! I know my body needs time and time is what I will continue to give it.

Ahh so what I'm super excited about is the new blog and new look coming for The Swin Life! You guys I'm telling you it's so perfectly me! My apologies for being so absent over the last month or more. May really took me for a ride and I didn't enjoy it at all. I'm ready for June though! It will be better.

Sending you all some positivity and courage!

Road Trip Thoughts

I've learned a few very random vacation related things over the last 12 hours. I decided to note them as we enjoy our family vacation to share with you later. ;) 

It is later and here are my random road trip/vacation thoughts from during and after our trip. Enjoy!

1. Excitement will keep Blake going strong for hours but when he's done he's done! He asked where the hotel was at 11pm and passed out seconds later. 

2. Always spend the money to stay in a better hotel especially if it's just for the night. 

3. Cooper is pretty good at traveling long distances but makes sure every person who walks by the hotel room knows he's here. 

4. The wind just might flip the car over. That or lift it right off the ground while driving. (My thought as we were driving through the back end of a storm Wednesday night.)

5. My nose is super sensitive all the time. Just another reason to always spring for the nicer hotel. 

6. Vacations are fun but having a completely clean house makes being away so much more enjoyable. 

7. I should have brought my body pillow not just Andrews. 

8. I packed way to much stuff. I might need an intervention when it comes to packing. 

9. No amount of sleep or lack of sleep will keep Blake from being loud! Repeat after me BOYS ARE LOUD! If yours isn't just wait he will be!

10. It is possible to fit 3 large dogs, one small dog, five adults and a child into a 600 sq ft condo! Even if people are getting take out by two of the crazy large dogs. :)

11. If you are a member at a museum like the Oklahoma nature and science museum you get into the Denver nature and science museum for free! Make sure you check those type of things out when you are on a trip! 

12. I packed entirely too many clothes. Oh wait I already said that, clearly I have a problem

13. People who don't have kids just really don't get it. It = what having a kid really involves. Doesn't make them any less or anything they just don't get it. Just like I don't really get what its like to have more than one child.

14. Blake is adored by his aunts and uncles! I love watching them with him. Makes me proud to call them my siblings and makes making time for Blake to be with them even more important.

15. Vacations are for going non-stop. I like to do as much as possible and sit around as little as possible on vacation. It is exhausting but makes the trip so worth it!

16. Saying goodbye is hard especially when Blake cries but it was really just see you later because we will see them in either a month or 5 months! :) (It's funny for some reason, just laugh with me!)

17. Unpacking as soon as we get home is SO much better than waiting for weeks like I normally do. No more of that crazy business!

18. I love listening to Blake retell his story of our vacation. It is so sweet to hear his excitment when he talks about all the things we did.

19. Helmets during bike rides are a must! Blake wrecked pretty bad and his head was saved by his helmet, so if you aren't making your child wear one I think you should.

20. There is no place like home. (Even if your husband has to fly out for work less than 24 hours after getting home from vacation.) 

Okay twenty is enough! We had a blast in Denver and as soon as I get the remainder of the pictures loaded I'll share our entire trip!

One more!
21. I love running around the lake by my brothers house. The view is absolutely breath taking. I haven't gotten the chance to run a lot of different places but this is at the top of my list!

Easter Day

Blake calls Easter Sunday Easter Day. It was so cute to hear him say "happy Easter Day" all day long yesterday. 

We spent our Easter in Denver with Andrews brother (Chris), his fiancé (Charlotte) and Andrews sister (Sarah). I started my day with a nice 3 mile run around Sloans lake. 

Then we started our family fun day with brunch at Punch Bowl Social which is where Sarah works. They had a really awesome Bloody Mary bar. I knocked down the entire bucket of celery before I even made my drink! It wasn't my fault though because it was off balance to begin with. Anyway that was my 'seriously did that just happen' moment of the day. The bloody Mary's were good, especially the green tomatillo one! Our food was really good too. Andrew and I both had the hipster has which was kale, mushroom and onion topped with two poached eggs and goat cheese, yummy! Blake had a waffle with chocolate chips and a peanut butter whip. I think everyone loved his meal the best. I mean you can't beat a chocolate chip waffle. 

After brunch we played games at punch bowl. If you are ever in a city that has one go to it! It is the coolest place. We played pac-man, ping pong, other video games and even bowled. It was a morning full of fun and laughs. Watching Blake try to play ping pong was funny! I was a littl scared to stand too close to him because he was wild with the paddle. Andrew, Charlotte, Chris and I played ping pong that was a cross between ping pong and tennis. We got a little wild and laughed until we cried. Fun! Blake and Sarah played games and took a tour of the building while we played ping pong. He was curious about where his Rahrah worked. We also bowled, well Blake and Andrew bowled, mostly Blake. How much fun is a place you can go to and entertain your group of people that range in age from 3 to 38! 

Sarah,me,Andrew, Blake, Charlotte, Chris

Blake got to hunt Easter eggs and yettis at the same time. He was/is obsessed with hunting yettis so we took him to Great Divide. Really it was a win for all of us because Blake got to hunt for yettis and we got to drink beer! We really did hide his Easter eggs all around the room at the brewery and let him hunt for them. He was entertained and loved every minute of the 5 times we hid eggs for him. He also found every yetti in the building and outside the building. 

After hunting yettis we went to crooked stave to sample some sour beers. We sampled every beer they had on tap there. The raspberry one they just released was my favorite. 

We ended our day with a trip to the park and a family style Italian dinner at a place called Lala's. The dinner was bruschetta, Cesar salad, pizza and spaghetti. So much food! We also ordered fried Brussels sprouts and holy crap they were delish! 

The real end to our night was packing up all of our stuff. We completely destroyed Chris' house while we were there for 4 days. Now we are on the road someone in the middle of nowhere Kansas. The good thing is when we get home I only have to worry about unpacking and laundry because I cleaned our house super clean mode before we left! 

I hope you are all having a fantastic Monday. Thanks for stopping by to read about our Easter Day! 

A Funk or A Rut

Lately I have been in a funk or a rut, whatever you want to call it. I've been struggling. I haven't been able to sit down and write anything that is nice or even readable. I am barely accomplishing the things I need to as a mom and wife on a daily basis. I feel like a cloud is hovering over me. I've been cranky, in a bad mood, lacking patience and not wanting to be around anyone. I've tried to snap myself out of it but have been unsuccessful until recently. The cranky club was trying to recruit me but I don't want to be a party of that club! 

I mean seriously how true is this. 

Things are complicated 

BUT I'm doing fine!

During my weeks of a super bad mood I came across this article titled "10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Crap" I mean that was it I felt like crap. I read the article and suddenly something clicked. I had an ah ha moment. The statements that gave me that moment were #6 and #7 on the list. They said how can I be of service to this person, situation or circumstance and myself so that we feel buoyed, rather than weighed down and how can I create something meaningful for me and/or others out of this experience. I'm telling you it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. All of a sudden I could see the light on this situation. 

Mood swings are one of the side effects of lupron so why was I feeling so bad about being in such a bad mood. It sucks to be in a bad mood or feel gloomy. I have never had to work so hard to be in a good mood. The mood swings I was (still am) having were so severe I had no idea what to do. I was snapping, being brutally honest (normally I try to stick to just honest), and avoiding people. Those things were not me. I mean I strive to be honest and want people to be that way with me in return but I am not mean. I truly felt like I was being mean. Not cool, not cool at all. I was trying to avoid people even by phone so that I wasn't being mean. I felt like crap, there is no other way to put it. After reading the article I mentioned above I realized that I needed to share how I have been feeling and take my vitamins daily. I have been sharing my experience since being diagnosed with endometriosis so that other women going through the same thing know they are not alone. I am not sure why I was so hesitant about sharing about my moods. 

Now I am back to taking my vitamins daily, sometimes every other day but I'm taking them. They are helping but I also have to work on my mind set. I have to keep the negative thoughts out and focus on the positive. I can't let the worry keep me down. That is hard but I know I can do it. I have done really well in the past so now should be no different! 

Here are my worries 
1) Is the Lupron actually working? 
2) Is 6 months on it going to be enough? 
3) How long is it going to take us to get pregnant when this is over? 
4) Am I ready for a second baby or should I just go back to work? 

I'm trying not to worry about these things but the last few weeks I can't seem to keep the worry away. It wears a girl down. I keep telling myself that symptoms mean the lupron is working. My hot flashes, night sweats, foggy brain, other things I'll spare my male readers from hearing, and mood swings tell me it is working. I just feel like I need proof at this point. Next week marks the halfway point and I'm getting anxious. I want some news or an updated report on my body but its not time for that yet. I know that I will get an update as soon as it is time. I will have a full physical exam when I am finished with the lupron or right before. I just need to be patient! Then there's the whole how long is it going to take us to get pregnant question. I know that we will be able to start trying and possibly conceive as quick as 6 weeks after my last shot. I hope that it happens as quickly as possible! Thinking about it constantly doesn't help anything. (When I do finally get pregnant I won't be telling anyone for quite a while anyway. Even though I know it will be hard to keep a secret.) I just can't get it out of my head recently and that could be because I have baby fever worse than I have since we starting trying to get pregnant almost two years ago!

A huge thank you to the people who have reached out to me lately. It was like you knew I needed to hear from you and I can't think of the sweet messages you have sent without tears joy in my eyes. Thank you for unknowingly helping me get over this funk! It means SO much to me.

Cheers to better moods and knowing that I am stronger today than I was yesterday!

***Edit-- As I was going to bed last night it hit me. It's scary to admit that I'm having trouble controlling my emotions. That's why it took me so long to share about my mood swings. I hate feeling like I am loosing control of my own body. Just trying reign in my emotions. Not letting fear hold me back. 

New Fun: Crayola Color Alive

Yesterday we went to Target. Surprise surprise! Anyway I bought Blake this coloring book. He asked me for it the other day at staples but it was much cheaper at Target! At first I wasn't impressed by it because it's just another coloring book. Oh but when we got home was I in for a big surprise! 

It is called Color Alive by Crayola. There are 4 different styles you can purchase; mythical creatures, skylanders, barbie, and enchanted garden. We got the mythical creatures one. It is dragons which Blake loves right now. Here is what it looks like. 

I was skeptical because Blake is 3 and colors like a 3 year old. Is it even going to work with crazy coloring style? Well it does! I actually think his looks so much neater than the dragon I colored nicely. 

Here's how it works. You download the color alive app. Color the picture of your choice. Open the app (it's the slowest app on my phone). Select play and scan your image. It comes alive right on the phone/tablet screen; I call this the show. Blake played with it for a half hour last night and I played with it for nearly as long today. You can take pictures of the image while it is in 4D (or whatever) mode. 

Blake's dragon. I love how it looks swirled when it is putting on it's show! 3 year old coloring skill compatable yay for not being a waste of money. 

Here is my dragon during it's show. 

All of the pictures have other things going on when you color them but not during the dragons show. For instance my picture has a knight in it which isn't pictured during the show. Each dragon does something different. The one I colored picks at it's feathers. 

The app itself is fairly easy to use but is EXTREMELY slow. I have to help Blake set it up so that the dragon can put on a show. I think that after he plays with it for a while he will be able to do it on his own. Older kids will most likely be able to do it on their own faster. Once I help him get the show started he can play with it as long as he stays with the phone close to the image. As soon as he pulls it away the show is over. Soon he will figure out how to restart it by himself. 

I bought this in a weak moment. Blake had been crying that he wanted someone to play with. I felt sorry for him because he doesn't have a sibling to play with and it's not always easy for someone to come over or for us to go to someone. Sometimes I think if we would have started trying for another baby sooner he would already have his forever friend (sibling). I don't let that get me all the time but yesterday it did. Today is a new day and I'm not feeling bad that he doesn't have a sibling yet. He will someday! :) 

Anyway if you are looking for something different to do this color alive thing is pretty fun! 

*This post is not sponsored by Crayola or anyone else. I'm just a mom sharing something new we found and like.*